This won't turn out well for anyone.

So before I go on to write any of my stories or any other piece of “writing” that would make a 5^th grade English teacher cringe, I figured I give anyone who doesn’t know me a little background of my shitty life.

So right now I am a 21 year old business student living in Philadelphia working my ass off and barely getting by.  My biggest flaw is that I am the epitome of average.  I am an average looking guy with average build, average intelligence, average in every sense of the word with the exception of my below average penis.  (HAHA THIS IS THE GREAT WIT AND HUMOUR YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO READ EVERY TIME I POST! EXCITED YET?)

Also, I am incredibly introverted in most social settings.  So being socially awkward and never knowing what to say to people who I don’t really know made it kind of difficult for me to make friends.  So, I found an outlet for meeting new people in getting really drunk and acting like a complete ass hole by doing and saying absurd things. 

So a few days ago my friend Chris came to me and said something about starting a blog to write our stories about the shit we do, and at first I was sort of skeptical.  Like I said, I am the textbook definition of “average” and no one, not even my friends will give a shit about what I have to say about anything.  But on a second thought, I am constantly getting black out drunk, setting stuff on fire, breaking stuff, getting naked, having awful diarrhea, and embarrassing myself and taking everyone who tries to stop me down with me.  So I agreed to write.

Now what, am I going to write about?  Girls.  Life.  Sex.  Yeah all of those things, but please don’t expect me trying to give advice on finding love and being successful.  I’m not a guru or even trying to be, I’m actual the complete opposite.  I’m a boarder line fuck up.  I just have so little going on with my life that I have too much time on my hands and this gives me an incentive to go out and do stuff in the world.  I mean, I have been dumped and cheated on by every girlfriend I have ever had, I drink alone 6 days a week, I act like a complete degenerate, and I have frighteningly awkward sex. 

So that’s what you can expect from this blog, at least from my posts.  Poorly written pieces of crap that will embarrass myself and others.  I hope it goes better than I expect, which shouldn’t be hard.

Also, I just wanted to apologize for how shitty this first post was written.  It looks like a retarded 10 year old wrote it, but I really just wanted to get something posted tonight so the page doesn’t look so sad.  I promise from here on out it there will be more of an effort to be more entertaining and less whiney and stupid.   If you don’t believe me I’ll let you know that I am planning to write my next post about a girl who I think miscarried my baby.  If that doesn’t get you to come back and read I don’t know what will.

- Brian